i miss you, and i know i shouldn’t and i know its beyond weird but the past two days i’ve spent thinking about you. i’ve been thinking about how much you effected my life and how you’ve basically shaped who i am towards others now. i’ll never know why you did what you did because you’ll never take the time to explain to me the truth or your reasoning behind it. sometimes i think you don’t even know why you did it and thats why you’re still hooked but if that was it why wouldn’t you try to better yourself to prove to me that. why would you keep trying to out me down. i know you’re lost in life because of everything you’ve gone through but why try to bring me down too. i was the one person that was always there until it got to the point where i couldn’t stay anymore. you made everything i did for the longest time miserable. i learned how to handle you’re comments now though. i learned that its from the bitterness inside of you.. i learned that the things you say are from the anger you feel from messing everything up. no matter how much you try to tell me i’ve changed i really haven’t. the only thing that has changed about me is not dealing with you. i don’t let people tell me what to do anymore. i’m still there for everyone like i used to be for you only thing different is they don’t take me for granted. they don’t walk all over me and then beg me to forgive them. i let you into my heart, you knew basically everything there was to know about me as of two years ago. looking back on everything we did together now, i can’t even tell you what i meant to you just based on the way you treated me. looking back i can barely remember anything good because there barely was ever anything good. i thank you for making me stronger as a person and showing how horrible people can really be but i know you can be sooo much better then what you are now if you were willing to change. i don’t believe that you will ever change your ways though. you’re so set on making people like you that you make everyone hate you. you lie to people thinking its going to impress them when really in the end all you’re doing is making yourself look bad. i’m sorry that i had to break my promise to you of always being there for you but i warned you that if you continued to take things to far i was going to have to be drastic. i’m sorry things ended up the way they did but i’m not going to blame myself for it anymore. you’re actions pushed me this far away. sometimes i think you were scared that everything you did i was really doing to and thats why you treat me the way you treat me and i wish sometimes i acted the same way you did towards me to you but i can’t lower myself that much to be that hurtful. you’ve helped me grow, yes but you’ve also made me so guarded with certain things that i don’t let people in. you always told me i was selfish and made everything about myself. well you were wrong thats you, thats the only thing that makes sense in my head of why you would do everything you did. the more i think about you though now the more i realize i thank you for everything but i hate you at the same time for it all and thats when i realize i don’t miss you at all, i miss what i used to think you were. i miss the good memories, the fun we had together.. not you.
